It is an uncomfortable reality that costs to face but after the last studies it is necessary to give the reason to the statistics. And it is that in the USA it is believed that couples without sex suppose between 10 and 20% of the total of relationships. The figure could be even higher if we did not take into account the traditional biases that occur in these cases (falsification of data, ambiguous answers). Meanwhile, in Japan, sex is seen as an undesirable activity and more and more young people prefer to watch pornography or rent girlfriends for events instead of facing sexual contact with another human being. Are we going crazy? Not that much. The truth is that today's society travels at a frenetic pace full of stimuli and demands on who we should be . This usually leads the partners to postpone sex "for when they have time." We delve into the causes that lead couples to not have sex for months (or even years) and we echo the voices of several researchers who provide solutions to this evil of the 21st century.
Can you have a relationship? healthy without sex? Experts answer
If there is a reliable investigation in this regard is the one made by the Cambridge Center of Massachusets in 2014. In this study it was discovered that up to 20% of the American population has sex with a lower assiduity once a month . However, the American case is anecdotal if we focus on Spain since they are completely different cultural and relational cases. But, how are sexual relations in Spain?
In our country 42% of Spaniards have sex at least once a week . This data is part of a study published by MyWord in 2016 which also revealed other more disturbing data as a 10.6% of Spaniards of sexually active age did not practice sex once a month But, what are the reasons? Is it really that bad that a couple does not have sex?
Reasons why a couple does not have sex
Boredom and lack of novelty : In an interview given to the newspaper El País in 2014, the sexologist and gynecologist Francisca Molero said that sex was the first thing left for later. Monotony is an enemy of sex but also the fact that always "same sex" is performed, without novelties. This means that couples no longer want to start the erotic game and prefer other activities that do not require effort.
By custom : Sex is a pleasure but when not it has evolutionary purposes, it is usually left aside. The funny thing is that the more you practice sex, the more sex you want. This logic works the same in the opposite case. The fewer sexual relationships you have in a partner, the less you want (at least with the same person). In addition current stimuli are numerous (we all know the humor around how Netflix has ended the sexual life of the thirties) and the stress of professional success eclipses these less lucrative economic activities. Sex can also be the silent witness of a lack of trust in the couple .
According to Molero, a couple without sex means much more than a lack of sexual relations. It is also a absence of "trust, communication, different interests, nonexistence of a common life project or contrary ideas" .
Sexual therapy and other solutions for sexless couples
Yes you have come this far you may be considering sexual therapy as a solution but remember that, first, you will have to agree and, above all, you must have the will to make changes. For the time being, these are some previous advice that every couple psychologist would give.
Recovers the love connection with small details
For how long have you not kissed passionately, for example? Sometimes, small details are the most difficult to carry out, especially when the emotional connection fails. That is why starting with small sessions of this kind can change everything. So says the sexual therapist Celeste Hirschman.
Propose shifts to take the initiative
Although it sounds unromantic, the truth is that when there is no sex in the couple and it is already a habit, it is necessary to force this situation relatively. Start with a couples massage, sensual kisses or a romantic dinner . Maybe these details do not go with you but if there is something that is inevitable is that you have to learn again, that you create new sexual rituals as a couple.
Author : Alex Bayorti (collaborator of our Blog)