"Love is patient, it is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud (…) everything apologizes, believes everything, expects everything, endures everything "(Corinthians 13: 4-7).
Does it sound like? This passage of the Bible is the most widespread view of romantic love. Whole generations have fallen into the networks of "giving everything for love" and "love is never having to say I'm sorry" ( Love Story, 1970 ) and then having to learn how to save a
Techniques used in cognitive behavioral therapy
First, know yourself
It seems obvious, but do you really know who you are now? And your partner? Do you still want the same? The honesty of the members of the couple separately is essential for a couple's therapy to be successful. First of all, ask yourself a series of questions:
- What family patterns have you learned from your environment?
- What do I want in this moment of my life?
- Am I willing to commit myself to the couple therapy?
You have to understand that a psychologist does not make your problems go away by magic. The commitment of both members to change is essential for success in therapy
Reprogramming of boycott behaviors in couples therapy
There are certain techniques in couples therapy that can be very useful for save a marriage that is in crisis without having to go to a specialist (although we recognize that it is harder without intermediation). All of them have an objective; end the boycott in the couple (negative expectations, excessive attention to the couple's mistakes, misinterpretations, few gratifications …)
Line of life of a couple
This technique helps the therapist to know what the events that have marked the life of the couple. Still, it's worth it to be the first thing you do. Try to make a line between them. It is very likely that everyone has a vision about the events.
How is it done? You need a blackboard or paper. Draw a chronological line of your relationship with the following information:
Changes of cycle (wedding, birth of a child …)
Happy or traumatic experiences lived together.
Conflicts and problems.
Future projects of the couple.
Thanks to this information you will be able to know graphically everything that has affected you until then and you can have a map of the past to focus only on the future from then on . It is time to start the road.
- Propose to communicate only in positive aspects with respect to the other.
- Have a sample of daily affection.
- Treat the issues of conflict without discussing as you did before.
These are just some details that can be gradually changed so that a couple's relationship works again as it did before. Do you need more information about how to save your marriage?
Author : Alex Bayorti (collaborator of our Blog)