Is it possible to save a marriage before going to couple therapy?

Is it possible to save a marriage before going to couple therapy?

"Love is patient, it is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud (…) everything apologizes, believes everything, expects everything, endures everything "(Corinthians 13: 4-7).

Does it sound like? This passage of the Bible is the most widespread view of romantic love. Whole generations have fallen into the networks of "giving everything for love" and "love is never having to say I'm sorry" ( Love Story, 1970 ) and then having to learn how to save a marriage that has nothing to do with this reality. You may also think that it was so and, of course, you threw yourself into the pool of limerencia without contemplations. After all, is not that what everyone is looking for? Love and company? Unfortunately, if you have come this far, the fairy tale has given way to everyday reality and you are considering to resort to couples therapy. Now you know that the routine has nothing to do with those long nights of dinner and drinks, the children are not only very cute booties and the passion that enveloped you has become a day to day that has nothing to do with those first months of wine and roses. If so, we have good news for you; You can still save your marriage. Find out how.

Techniques used in cognitive behavioral therapy

First, know yourself

It seems obvious, but do you really know who you are now? And your partner? Do you still want the same? The honesty of the members of the couple separately is essential for a couple's therapy to be successful. First of all, ask yourself a series of questions:

  • What family patterns have you learned from your environment?
  • What do I want in this moment of my life?
  • Am I willing to commit myself to the couple therapy?

You have to understand that a psychologist does not make your problems go away by magic. The commitment of both members to change is essential for success in therapy

Reprogramming of boycott behaviors in couples therapy

There are certain techniques in couples therapy that can be very useful for save a marriage that is in crisis without having to go to a specialist (although we recognize that it is harder without intermediation). All of them have an objective; end the boycott in the couple (negative expectations, excessive attention to the couple's mistakes, misinterpretations, few gratifications …)

Line of life of a couple

This technique helps the therapist to know what the events that have marked the life of the couple. Still, it's worth it to be the first thing you do. Try to make a line between them. It is very likely that everyone has a vision about the events.

How is it done? You need a blackboard or paper. Draw a chronological line of your relationship with the following information:

Changes of cycle (wedding, birth of a child …)

Happy or traumatic experiences lived together.

Conflicts and problems.

Future projects of the couple.

Thanks to this information you will be able to know graphically everything that has affected you until then and you can have a map of the past to focus only on the future from then on . It is time to start the road.

Weekly homework

Cognitive behavioral therapy is based on the reprogramming of behaviors through the assumption of new patterns that suppose those that could be harmful. This therapy is used for family, sentimental issues as well as for addictions or emotional disorders. The success of cognitive behavioral therapy is based on the fact that it provides concrete solutions to problems . That's why the first step is to put duties to fulfill. Here are some examples:

  • Propose to communicate only in positive aspects with respect to the other.
  • Have a sample of daily affection.
  • Treat the issues of conflict without discussing as you did before.

These are just some details that can be gradually changed so that a couple's relationship works again as it did before. Do you need more information about how to save your marriage?

Author : Alex Bayorti (collaborator of our Blog)